my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
