he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
