You're my little dorito
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
