Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
