Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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