i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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