i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
