I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
