Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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