Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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