If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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