I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
