actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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