Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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