Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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