Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
