you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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