This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
