I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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