My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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