I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
