he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
