My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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