Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
