She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
