The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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