it wasn't lemon gatorade
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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