Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
