I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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