i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
