if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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