she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
