So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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