Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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