i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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