Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
