Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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