Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
