Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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