You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
