Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
