so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
