my vag is so smooth its legendary
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
