i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
