I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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