i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
