Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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