I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
