i already hear my dad disowning me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
