i jhust puked up my retainher.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
