i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
