that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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