listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
