Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
