Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
