is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
