WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
