I am puke
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
