My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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