a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
