this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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