Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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