No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
