I accidentally had phone sex last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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