I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
