Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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